I spoke to the Sunday Times this week about S being an only child. Apparently families with only children are on the rise, and at present 47% of families have only one child.
I know lots of people who have taken the decision to have only one child, for lots of different reasons. Personally, I have now come to terms with the fact I won’t have more children.
These are my reasons for not having more children
1. I’m single!
At the risk of stating the bleedin’ obvious, even if I decided tomorrow that I wanted to have a baby, it takes two to tango! After my experience with S’s father, I would be extremely cautious of getting into anything with anyone, much less the life-long commitment that comes with producing a child together.
2. Lightning doesn’t strike twice!
I have been supremely lucky with S. From day one, she has been an absolute gem. She rarely cried as a baby, never suffered with colic… heck, she rarely even did a poo when she was small! She never had a nappy rash. Her teething was soothed by Baby Jake. When she refused to clean her teeth, I just left it a few days and she changed her mind. She wakes up with a smile, and her tears are always short-lived. There is no way in the world that I could be this lucky twice – and I’m not sure I could cope with a child whose temper was less even than S’s. In fact, I doubt I could have coped with S if she had been less of a dream to parent.
3. S cannot be replaced!
There is a big chance, however careful I was and however much I talked to her, that S would feel pushed out or replaced if I were to have another child. Because she doesn’t have a father around, I am all she has. We have a very close bond; she still sleeps in my bed (after a brief foray into her own bedroom), and we spend a lot of time together. To add a man to that would be difficult for her to accept, but another child could be really traumatic. I know a lot of other people have dealt with situations like this and been just fine, but I can’t bear the thought that S should feel like I have moved on or replaced her in any way, or that she had been pushed aside (and out of my bed) to make way for someone else. S has only me to look to for support and comfort; I don’t want her to feel that she has to compete for my attention!
4. My health
S was born almost 3 years ago, and I am still struggling with physical problems brought on by my pregnancy. My hips and back are still sore, and I have an umbilical hernia which is aggravated by the slightest little thing. My pregnancy with S (physically, at least) was easy and uneventful (until she was born 5 weeks early, at least) – but I don’t think I would fare so well a second time around! I’m 33 now, and although my mother was around 10 years older than me when she had my youngest sister, I’m not convinced my body would take too kindly to another pregnancy.
Also it is hard to know how much of the mental anguish I suffered during pregnancy was down to the ex, and how much was hormone imbalance or my natural tendency towards depression. I am solely responsible for S and cannot afford to knowingly put myself in a position where my mental health could potentially deteriorate to how it was when I was pregnant with her. There is no way in the world that I would be capable of caring for S, were the same to happen again.
5. I like things my own way
If I were to have another child, his or her father would be around and I would have to negotiate on how we brought the child up. Having been on my own from the beginning with S, I would find that hard. I have very strong opinions on how I parent S and do not allow anyone to dictate what I should or should not be doing with her. I would no doubt be the same with a second child, and that would cause arguments with the father.
6. A second child would not be so well cared for
S was breastfed on demand until she was 17 months old. She was carried everywhere in a sling, and I didn’t leave her for more than an hour until she was almost a year old. She sleeps in my bed; I sit on the floor and play house with her. If I had a second child, both that child and S would have to deal with my split attention as I dealt with the differing needs of an older and a younger child. Other mothers manage this just fine; I doubt my ability to do so!
I make no secret of the fact I rely on benefits at the moment in order to make ends meet – and I have received my fair share of “my taxes paid for your…” comments too. I never planned to have a child and rely on the state. I could not in good conscience bring another child into the world without enough income to support us all. That said, even if I had all the money in the world, I can’t imagine that I would decide to have a second child.
I have absolutely no problem with other people deciding to have more children. In a different situation, I might have had more myself. I would say most of my friends have blended families, step children, half siblings, whatever else. I know families who rely on benefits to survive, and families who have huge age gaps between children. I think they all do a fantastic job. My doubts are not about them or their situations, but me and mine.
Mammywoo · 04/01/2015 at 09:13
I clicked on your link cos I’m trying to decide what to do. I have a lot of the same fears as you about my boy feeling pushed out, money and also my mental health. I was pretty ill during the first year or so. And also I’m just so happy with one. It’s perfect. We have enough money to spoil him and enough time to give him.
I don’t know why I’m even considering another, I just can’t stop wondering!! Haha! I think I miss the baby stage and now he is school…. No! No! One is perfect like you say. And you’re right! Lightening doesn’t hit twice.
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 09:28
Thanks for the comment, I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like this! It’s not that I wouldn’t have wanted more children, in a different situation. But the situation I’m in now is right for me.
Sherry · 04/01/2015 at 09:55
Surprised that the ‘single’ child stat (47%) is that high. And although you doubt your ability to split your attentions between two children, nearly every mum I’ve supported has felt the same, and then surprised themselves. It was interesting to read about your reasons.
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 10:44
Thanks Sherry, I know if I was put in the position I would probably cope – in the same way that I didn’t have a clue what to do when S was born, but had no choice but to get on with it! I know plenty of people who have coped just fine, and if I did end up getting pregnant I doubt I could consider a termination – but to me it makes sense to just stick with S and I. We’re a good team!
Confused! · 04/01/2015 at 10:03
Well done you for writing this article. I love reading everything you write! I too am worried how another child would ruin our dynamic and also our finances! But my other half would love another child, so here we are trying for another. I suppose we are lucky in that we could make ends meet with another baby but I worry that my first will miss out on lots of opportunities because we won’t be able to afford lots of days out or a toy he wants. I had the opposite experience in that my first was a nightmare baby, colic, reflux – the works and is still “hard work” as my mother calls him. So the thought of having another like him frightens me. I was borderline depressed with him and the first year or so I didn’t bond properly so it scares me to think I could get like that with another child. We will see what happens.
Anyway keep up the good work and keep writing these great articles and blogs :) And enjoy S, she is amazing.
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 10:41
Thanks, what a lovely comment! I think it’s probably less of an issue where the first child has two parents – there’s someone else to go to if one of them is busy with the baby. But S literally has only me and I am very aware that she could easily end up feeling rejected, replaced or unloved and I can’t bear that.
thisdayilove · 04/01/2015 at 10:08
Whilst I have two I do not want any more either. I have two girls and people ask me if we are going to try for a boy, or if I am disappointed I don’t have a boy. No I am not is the answer to both. I totally understand your decision.
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 10:38
People are really nosey aren’t they! I often get “oh, you’ll meet someone else and change your mind!” I feel like saying, oh right, where’s your crystal ball? I have a few more questions to ask it!
martyn · 04/01/2015 at 10:14
Great post. You’ve set out some really good points for only having one child. I have two and doing it alone is extremely hard for all the reasons you’ve listed. I think it’s great that you clearly know that S will be an only child….she will get so much from it too.
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 10:38
Thanks Martyn, I hope she doesn’t grow up feeling that she’s missed out!
naomi · 04/01/2015 at 10:15
My daughter is an only child Vicky, I decided as a single mum I did not want anymore and I have stuck to this. My daughter is now 13 and she has never missed out on siblings, our house is always filled with her friends and she has a cousin close in age. I too had a difficult pregnancy and I also enjoy being at work everyday so for us this works out the best. I can honestly say she is a brilliant kid and we are very close!. Lots of luck for 2015 and I always think we should walk our own path in life and try and ignore any negativity!.
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 10:37
Thanks Naomi, what a lovely comment. I worry sometimes about S being lonely but like you said – we can always make friends, and S has some really good friends already!
Jules · 04/01/2015 at 15:10
I think it’s brave if you to speak out about your reasons. Every parent is different, every family is different. If you feel happy as the two of you are then it makes sense. I get you saying you feel lucky at having had a good baby. My boy has so far pretty much been a dream but you never know each time what life will throw at you. Hope your article in the paper is well received. I was surprised at the stats. Wasn’t expecting it so high!
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 16:26
Thanks Jules, I wasn’t expecting it to be so high either, most of the families I know have several children! We are very happy as we are, but I wouldn’t want to risk doing anything to change that!
Tim · 04/01/2015 at 15:28
Not that you should have to justify yourself at all, but your reasons are completely valid and it’s clear you’ve thought through the ramifications of having a second child. I really don’t see why anyone should ever have to justify having one, three or no children. It’s a personal choice and one that ensures you can be the best possible mum for S. In my eyes, that’s something to be applauded.
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 16:23
Thanks Tim. I think often people only say things like that to make conversation – but for some people, it’s like a personal insult that I don’t want more children – or that I don’t want to parent this one in the way they think I should! People are weird…
Amanda · 04/01/2015 at 15:29
I love this post and how honest it is! I never, ever thought I’d have just the one child. My aunt once told me she thought I’d have six!! For me, this was never in my plan, and I had to come to terms with a lot before I began to accept it. But as O gets older (he is 3 now) I see so many benefits in only having the one, including some of those that you have mentioned.
Have you seen the series of interviews with parents of only children on my blog? Would you consider taking part, as I’d love to share your views on there too. No worries if not, I’ll still be sharing this post on my social media feeds! Thanks so much for sharing :)
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 16:22
Hi Amanda, I would love to take part in that series, it sounds great! And thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it.
I never thought I would have any children, so just having S is a massive bonus for me.
Jess - MummysCrochetWorld · 04/01/2015 at 16:51
Very interesting post, I have two girls, and I would love to have more, but money is a big factor in why we haven’t had more yet. If one day we can afford to have another, I would jump at the chance. But I want the two I have to suffer compromises because I wanted more than we can afford. xx #weekendbloghop
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 18:22
Thanks for your comment Jess. I think for me, even if the money were there I would not have another – because of all the other reasons which are more important. We all have different reasons though!
Hannah Budding Smiles · 04/01/2015 at 17:10
I think you’re absolutely right to make the decision that is best for you and your S, because after all is it not you two and not the rest of the world who are your household, your family and therefore have the only right to make such choices? I’d love a huge family, but I know we’ll stop at 2 (assuming we are able to have another one!) because it’s what’s best for us in order to give our children the best in life xx
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 18:17
I would have loved a big family too Hannah – but I started too late! I never thought I’d have children at all, so to have S is an absolute blessing!
Phoebe @ Lou Messugo · 04/01/2015 at 17:12
I enjoyed reading your reasons for your decision and I applaud your honesty. I too was amazed by the statistics! I found you through your weekend blog hop and have linked up for the first time. Thanks for hosting.
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 18:17
Thanks for your comment Phoebe – and for linking up! I do hope you’ll come back next week… and the week after, and so on!
Midlife Singlemum · 04/01/2015 at 17:55
Had I not been single I would have loved to have had another child but not only for me. I think a sibling is a very special relationship. However, it’s hard being a single mum and I decided that I although I would probably cope (because I’m a coper), we wouldn’t have as nice a life as I could provide with only one child. Honestly, I didn’t have enough money, strength or time to bring up another child on my own. My daughter is now 6 and we are both very happy. Poor but happy. I too admire your honesty.
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 18:16
Thanks… I think that’s the thing – I probably would have coped if I’d had another child – but there’s a difference between coping, and having a good life. Not in a monetary way, but in a personal, emotional way.
Vicki Raven · 04/01/2015 at 18:08
That’s a lovely honest blog Vicky. No-one should have to apologise for their decisions over their family, if they are doing it from a place of love, which you clearly are.
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 18:13
Thanks Vicki, I’m glad so many people can see my point of view!
Jess · 04/01/2015 at 20:59
Fab post! It’s a subject that’s usually controversial (why I don’t know!), but you’ve made the decision based on what you already know and what is best for your child, that’s all that matters! I too will only be having one, sometimes I feel sad but for the rest of the time I know I’m doing the right thing for the whole family. I suffered TERRIBLY with anxiety after Abbie was born plus insomnia, so without diving into everything, it was effing hard work! I also chose to have Abbie sleep in my bed, spend 24/7 with her and have never left her for over a few hours at a time, I couldn’t imagine how she would react to another person taking me away from her, doing everything that we used to do, it just doesn’t sit right with me. Plus, Abbie didn’t sleep through the night till she was 20 months old, that, is enough reason on it’s own I think… Ha xx
Have you co slept from day 1? X
Vicky Charles · 04/01/2015 at 21:05
Thanks Jess, sounds like Abbie is lucky! S could never settle in a moses basket and had slept perfectly well on my chest in hospital or in the sling so I ended up just keeping her in my bed from a month or so old. I’m so glad you understand what I mean about someone else coming along and breaking that bond!
I think I was sad about not having another child, until I realised what affect it might have on my relationship with S – the most important relationship in my life!
Caro | The Twinkles Momma · 05/01/2015 at 09:33
Great post lovely! Your reasons for not having another child are a million miles away from mine. Mine is, less a decision made by me, and more a product of circumstance; firstly fertility problems and now age, etc…
That said, we’ve reached the same conclusion.
I do not have one child, as I had twins the first time round, but I’ve experienced one full-term pregnancy, one birth, one introduction to motherhood, albeit for two little people! It’s interesting to read someone else’d thoughts on not having another child though — a really insightful read.
Vicky Charles · 05/01/2015 at 15:43
Thanks Caro. Wow, twins! That sounds like great fun. I think there is a lot to be said for being happy with what we have, without needing more. Obviously, sometimes it’s good to push for more – but not with everything! Thanks for your comment.
sangeetha menon · 05/01/2015 at 10:35
So happy to read this article.
Such an honest and from the heart post. Wonderful.
Hats off to your determination, I am sure S is so lucky to have a momma who is her world and universe to her.
Loads of love n hugs.
Vicky Charles · 05/01/2015 at 15:37
Thank you Sangeetha, what a lovely comment!
Terry Tyler · 05/01/2015 at 13:07
What an interesting post, Vicky! Congratulations on being so self-aware, and responsible about the whole thing. I don’t have any children because I never wanted any, one of my reasons being that I never felt my life was stable enough. But it’s never been something I’ve felt the need to do, anyway. Happily, I’ve never had any of this ‘selfish’ or ‘unnatural’ rubbish thrown at me, as I’ve heard some do; my sister feels the same as me and my parents never put pressure on us to give them grandchildren. I’d say 50% of my friends are childfree, too.
Speaking as one who is old enough to be your mother, can I just say this? You never know who you might meet in the future. You’re young, and could easily meet and fall in love with a man with whom you want to have a family. Not now, but maybe in five or six years’ time. Life has a funny way of changing and throwing all sorts of unexpected stuff in your way. I bet if you spoke to anyone you know, they’d all say that five years ago they didn’t expect to be where they are now – actually, I can feel a blog post coming on! Also, although obviously your life centres around S at the moment, there may come a time when you want a bit more for YOU that isn’t just supplied by motherhood.
I do hope your physical problems sort themselves out! All the best x
Vicky Charles · 05/01/2015 at 15:33
Thanks for your comment Terry… You’re right, of course. When I think of what I was doing five years ago, I could never have imagined what I’m doing now, in my wildest dreams! Actually, even three years ago I would never have expected to end up here. And I was pregnant three years ago!
That said, I am extremely wary – because of my experience when I was growing up, and my experience with S’s father. At the moment I don’t miss having a man in my life at all, and it would have to be a pretty special situation to make me want to risk S’s happiness – which is how I see it right now.
Hannah · 05/01/2015 at 16:05
I admire your reasons for having one child, and I think your little lady is extremely lucky to have such a good mummy! I always wanted 4 children, and im pregnant at the moment with my fourth (and last!) child, but do find it hard at times to give them the attention they deserve when there is so much going. All the best :)
Vicky Charles · 05/01/2015 at 16:46
Ooh congratulations! I read a book by Ayelet Waldman where she said we’re a different parent to each of our children. Interesting concept!
Becky · 05/01/2015 at 20:11
Great, great post. As a parent of an only child I actually find it really comforting to find other parents who are very happy at having one child. My daughter is nearly 8 and although my Husband and I have had periods over the years of ‘do we have another or don’t we?’ they have only been fleeting and we always return to the answer of no. Ruby is a very happy, bubbly girl who has friends and interacts like any other child. We went through all the years of comments such as “How could you be so selfish?” “How could you deprive Ruby of a sibling?” one corker was “What happens if Ruby can’t have children of her own? You won’t have any other children to give you grandchildren!”….oh I could write a book of comments that have been thrown at us. Your decision is yours to make, no one else’s, you sounds like you have such a precious bond with S and you get so much from each others company and love. Thank you for sharing x
Vicky Charles · 06/01/2015 at 17:10
Oh gosh, that’s terrible – you’d better have a baby in case this one doesn’t give you grandchildren… what if Ruby doesn’t *want* to have children any way?! People say some daft things sometimes… I think a lot of the time comments are made just as something to say, to make conversation – but I think the “selfish” comments are just awful.
Adventures of a Novice Mum · 17/01/2015 at 10:16
Having a child is a huge decision, having more than one is a bigger decision still! You’ve carefully considered the reasons for your choice; thanks for sharing them. I can’t imagine how it must be parenting more than one at the moment. :-)
Maria · 03/02/2015 at 18:55
Hey! I am a mom to a 3yr old boy and stepmother (ACTIVE may I add) to 2 children, boy and girl aged 10 and 15. Even though i POOR my heart and give my whole to my stepkids I keep on being treated like a one child mom and mothers around me make me feel worthless and not a good enough mum. I was 23yrs old when i took on little P who was 3 and a little girl V who was 7 1/2! I always feel like I need to prove my WORTH to others. I would love another child, my husband on the other hand doesnt want any more. In other words at some points in my life I feel “incomplete” because i am being MADE to feel like this when its a BLESSING to have a child of my own. I look to articles like yours to gain confidence and see that there are other moms who have only given birth to one and keep their head up and are so proud! I AM a proud mom but no one recognises my efforts as a stepmom and thats ONE reason that is possibly leading me to want more kids. I think i need support more than i thought!
John · 08/02/2015 at 06:42
We we’re lucky with both of ours although between them, they have their moments. As you know, M is the eldest (3 coming on 13 we sometimes think) and R is a little over 14 months. He’s up and waking about now and takes great delight in terrorising his sister. As individuals, they’ve both been great. Rarely crying, and only crying when there is a genuine problem, colic wasn’t a problem for either of them long term. With me leaving for work before everyone is up, and often getting home when everyone is in bed, I do wonder how my wife copes; it’s why I’ve always spared a thought for single parents.
Talya · 04/04/2015 at 13:37
This is so interesting – we are currently thinking about whether to have another child or not…it’s going to be a lonnnnng think! I have a lot of the same sentiments as you but as yet the jury is still out but it’s really good to read this, that being the case..thanks for sharing….#weekendbloghop
Vicky Charles · 04/04/2015 at 14:13
Thanks! I’m glad you found it useful.
Miranda · 18/04/2015 at 16:27
I just had baby #5….so I guess you could say we definitely differ there :-) I totally respect your choice, especially with your money reason. Although I see nothing wrong at all with getting benefits as a way to help in the hard times-and I even have no problem with people having more children while on benefits, as long as they are trying to work and make ends meet-but I do have a problem with people who just continue to have children and have no intention of even trying to support them themselves. Does that even make sense?
I do have to (kindly) disagree with you though on your point of second child not being as well cared for. I nursed #4 until 16 months when I became pregnant again, I homeschool, and I definitely know my children get much of my time and attention. And having younger children to help look after and older children to look up to makes my children very well rounded.
Either way, I’m very glad I came to visit. Thanks for sharing!
Vicky Charles · 18/04/2015 at 18:07
Wow, Miranda congratulations on your fifth! I have no doubt at all that you care for all of your children equally, and I do sometimes think it would be nice for S to have a brother or sister, since she gets on so well with others her age and her younger cousin. I just feel like I barely cope with her on her own, let alone adding another. I’ve a friend who has two children very close in age, and another who is a little younger. She told me it was easier to have two so close in age because they just played with each other all the time, and now the youngest is old enough they play with her too and there’s less pressure on her.
I think in another life, under different circumstances I would have loved to have more children. But with things the way they are now I don’t see how I could. Also yes, I totally get what you mean about people having children while on benefits – that’s what the system is there for, as long as it’s not being abused.
Megan - Truly Madly Kids · 05/05/2015 at 20:44
This is a very honest post, and I admire you for your stance (especially your last comment – I hate that people use your position as a point of criticism).
I was recently quizzed on why I don’t have a third – similarly, Im not sure my body would hold up, I think my relationship with my husband would struggle and do you know what? I just don’t want another!
Vicky Charles · 06/05/2015 at 21:34
I find it bonkers that people feel the need to comment on how many children any of us has, and whether we should have more. They do, though – the same as they comment on our hair styles, the way we dress, everything I suppose!
Hannah Atkinson · 08/05/2015 at 20:24
I share all your thoughts on this matter. Every single one. my 3yr old boy still sleeps with me, I have no desire to bring anyone else into our world. My pregnancy beat me up physically and doubt I could get through another without impacting severely on my son’s life. The thought of having another child, the father living and the tiniest chance that my son won’t feel part of the family, kills me. No way. Hope to see you at Britmums this year, saying hello after my first #wbh
Vicky Charles · 09/05/2015 at 12:34
Ah you’re coming to Brit Mums? Fabulous! I hope we can meet properly x
Pen · 30/05/2015 at 12:17
I am a newly single Mum (my choice – I left my partner). I always wanted to have two children and I still would like to give my son a sibling, but I am slowly coming round to the idea that that is probably a pipe dream. I am 34 and single and although it is entirely possible that I will meet the man of my dreams tomorrow and we will have another baby together, it is probably unlikely, particularly as I rarely go out in the evenings because I stay in to look after my son.
We are happy though. It just means that I will have all my love and attention to lavish on one little boy.
Thanks for your post.
Loads of love x
Vicky Charles · 30/05/2015 at 13:49
Thanks Pen, that’s the same as me – it’s not impossible, just highly unlikely!
Natasha · 04/06/2015 at 15:19
I kept nodding my head as I read your post (although I was quite surprised at discovering 47% of families decided to only have one child, it feels like everyone is having more babies!). My S is also my one and only, still comes into my bed most nights and holds all my attention. I do worry about how he’d feel with another baby around (we’ve had some experiences with my niece and he did not like it at all!) but saying that, I’m a hopeless romantic at heart and even with a traumatic divorce, I do hope to find love again and maybe have another child one day. Until then, it’s *just the two of us* :) xx
Ojo Henley · 11/07/2015 at 22:25
I think every parent should make the decision, based on their own circumstances and feelings. I hate that some people feel the need to push others to have more x
Vicky Charles · 12/07/2015 at 14:56
I find it bonkers when people feel like they should have a say in what anyone else does – but I suppose we all do it in one way or another, even if it’s not to their faces!
Kay · 12/07/2015 at 06:50
I am currently pregnant with my second and I had similar worries. My main concern was how it was going to effect my daughter, but she has taken to the pregnancy so well and the whole idea of being a big sister, I can’t wait to see her in her new role. As I’m writing this she is actually cuddling my tummy!
We found out we we’re having a boy so naturally because we will no have one of each lots of people have presumed that we can now stop at two. Whilst we have always said we would stop at two having another girl wouldn’t of changed that. Me and my hubby work solidly and bring in a good income. But to have a third we just wouldn’t be able to afford, and it would be wrong of us (in my opinion) to fall pregnant a third time with this knowledge. Plus I would worry about not having enough time for more than two!!
Great post, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Vicky Charles · 12/07/2015 at 14:52
Thanks for this Kay. I know a lot of people who have more children – some have several – and do just fine. But I worry about how well I would cope! I love that your daughter is cuddling your belly, how sweet is that!
Rhia P · 12/10/2015 at 19:12
This was really interesting to read- while my little one isn’t even a year old yet, I’ve kinda always thought that I’d like another one at some point- though I’m considering a lot of your points now.
I know what you mean about lightening striking twice though- he’s such a melloq, easy going little chap that it would come as a hell of a shock if I had a Mk.2 who didn’t share the same temperament!
Vicky Charles · 13/10/2015 at 18:23
Thanks Rhia. I think it’s a hard one to call, isn’t it! I see lots of my friends coping perfectly well with two or three children but sometimes I feel like I’m barely scraping by as it is with just the one!
Min · 31/12/2015 at 23:28
Interesting to read another post by a single parent about only having one child. I would love another, but I couldn’t cope financially, at least until Piglet is in school, by which time I’ll be 38 (gulp). I rarely go out and the chances of meeting someone seem pretty slim. It was hard enough before Piglet was born-hence my need to resort to sperm donation to have him!
Terry Tyler · 06/01/2016 at 07:47
Congratulations on the ‘benefits’ bit ~ can’t comment on the rest as am childfree, but I do applaud those who think ‘I won’t have another child because I can’t afford it’, instead of expecting the state to pay. All the best (and yee-hah re the Sunday Times – when is the article out?).
Vicky Charles · 06/01/2016 at 10:39
Thanks Terry, the article was actually published last January.
Clare Jennings · 14/05/2019 at 14:08
It is so sad when women are forced to justify their families. I am also a single mum to one child. I am extremely proud of bringing up my son as a single mum and I love my friends who are single mums – all super strong awesome people. The reason for not having another child, for me is because I am single parent. Being asked, as I am on a daily basis, why and whether I will have another is so insensitive. My family is as it is and as such it is complete. Should that change, then I am sure that would be great too but the chances of me allowing another man have influence on my son’s life after the experience I have had are very slim. The worst thing about the only child comments and questions is that I did have another child but she didn’t make it to full term and at the same time I found out my partner was cheating. I still haven’t gotten through the grief of loosing a child but find myself hiding that part of my life in polite conversation to people I barely know who want to know the ins and outs about why I only have one child .Those same people tell me we are not a family and that I don’t really know what it means to be a mum as I only have one. I do very much know how to be a mum 24/7 with no support. And the next time someone asks that dreaded question, none of your business will be the answer. Thank you for raising the issue and for offering your reasons for having one. Your reasons are absolutely valid for you and your life. It is also your choice to share these reasons or not share these reasons. What I love is that you are flying the flag for the single mums of one- an awesome and amazingly wonderful size and set up for a family.