I’ve been reading a lot about codependence lately. I’m fairly sure it’s a term that describes me, but it’s also something that’s often mostly misunderstood. People tend to think that in order to have a codependent personality, you need to have another person upon/with whom to be codependent. What it Read more…
Right now, I’m recovering from an operation. As well as this, I am recovering from other things; some are those I thought I had long since dealt with; others are things I wasn’t even entirely aware I needed to deal with. In all cases, it has been a slightly strange Read more…
Tuesday, 8th May 2012. S’s father stormed out of the house a few days ago. Since then I’ve tried to call, but he’s never answered, texting only occasionally and never enquiring as to how either S or myself is doing. This morning I wake up and find a text Read more…
After S’s father left, and my friends started to find out what had been going on, one of them christened him Twunty. This is what his name will be from now on. I’ve written a lot about my breakdown. I’ve written about my birth story and the things that Read more…
Welcome to my weekly podcast; thank you to everyone who has been listening; I’m really enjoying the whole process of creating these little things so it’s lovely that people are listening! This week’s podcast is about domestic abuse, something I feel very strongly about. In the podcast I speak about Read more…
This morning, the above photo came up on my Timehop. It’s from two years ago today. The below is the story of what happened on that day. It’s raining. When we woke up this morning, the roof had leaked again, and I had to call the council repairs department. Our Read more…
For those who don’t know, we moved house last week. In the week or so before the move, I was trying desperately to juggle my workload (oh, the joys of being self employed) with caring for S, and packing. My mum had S a couple of days so that Read more…
I saw a man being interviewed on TV yesterday morning, and what he said really struck a chord with me. He was on The Wright Stuff talking about having been sexually abused as a child, and said that he had thought at the time that it was just something that Read more…
After having S, I lost my baby weight quite quickly: a combination of stress, breastfeeding, and doing a lot of walking. I still felt very much trapped by my previous situation with her father though. He had left; I had taken my health visitor’s advice and stopped all contact… but Read more…
September 2011. For the past few months I’ve been living in this house, returning to my own home only to pay rent and pick up my post. Living here is quite stressful; there are six children running around with very little in the way of discipline, guidance or boundaries. There Read more…
Seeing Kit this week has had me thinking a lot about the past two years. This time two years ago, I was just preparing to move into this flat. I had just gotten back together with S’s father for the last time. I thought I had seven weeks left of Read more…
Just to clarify – this did happen, but a few months ago. It’s taken me until now to be able to write about it. Saturday night. I’m exhausted and go to bed at 9:30pm, falling into a deep sleep almost immediately. S is asleep in her cot next Read more…
I don’t know why you stay with him… I wouldn’t stand for that… If I was treated in that way, I would leave, no matter what. How many times have you heard those words? How many times have you said them yourself? I have been guilty of Read more…
A child cries in the night, but I’m not allowed to go to her; she is four years old and can fend for herself. In the morning, she has wet her bed and is in trouble. You fucking little… she will be hit for it, if she doesn’t Read more…
When I was pregnant, I came off the medication I had been on since my breakdown. My GP wanted me to go back onto it once I’d reached 12 weeks, but I refused. (I still refuse). As a compromise, she suggested I see a counsellor instead. I had been through Read more…
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve written a series of posts about my experience with S’s birth and first few weeks of life. Many people have commented about my ex partner’s behaviour. There were some clear signs that he was an abusive person, attempting to intimidate and control me. Read more…