For centuries, society has told women that they need to wait until marriage to have children. Even the popular children’s nursery rhyme, the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song tells kids the order in which you should start a family. Its lyrics say “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” Well, if you’re like most people in this world, life doesn’t always happen in that order.

So if your life doesn’t go in that order, does that mean that you’re living wrong? Absolutely not! Lots of women get pregnant before marriage, some get pregnant at very young ages, and some get pregnant later on in life… none of those instances mean that you’re living your life in a way that’s unpleasing to society… it just means that life happens and you adjust accordingly. And so what, if society disagrees with how you’re living your life; it’s your life to live, not society’s.

Going It Alone

Now, from the above instances, for society to approve of them, you at least would need to have a partner so that you wouldn’t have to go through your pregnancy alone. Again, life doesn’t always happen like that. There are so many women who go through pregnancies alone and go on to lead successful and happy lives with happy and healthy babies.

Society will tell you that having a baby alone is a bad thing and that being a single parent is a terrible way to raise a child but why does society feel that way? What if going through a pregnancy alone wasn’t something that just happened? What if a woman chose to get pregnant on her own terms AND she chose to do it alone? Does that make her weird or consider her as living an alternative lifestyle? Of course not… again, it just means that life happens and for some women, they just haven’t met the right person they want to have a child with.

As most women know, there is an ideal time in a woman’s life when she’s fertile and able to conceive and there is an age frame where women have the best chances of conception but sometimes if you haven’t met your prince charming in the ideal time frame for you, it’s perfectly fine for you to take matters into your own hands and look at some other options into parenthood… single parenthood at that! 

Now, being a parent is tough as it is and you can assure yourself that being a single parent comes with its own set of challenges but it’s no reason to not consider parenthood at all. The challenges are why being a single parent has such a bad reputation. So before taking that leap into single parenthood, ask yourself these three questions first.

Question 1: Why Do You Want to Have a Child?

This is a very important question to ask yourself because people have children for the wrong reasons all the time. People will have children with someone because they would have “pretty babies together” or because they want to at least have one in their lifetime… those reasons are pretty awful, right? But people really have children for those reasons. 

Children are little human beings and how you raise them is going to determine the type of person they will become and how they will act in the world… ultimately, they’re a direct reflection of you, so the question is will you like what you see? Get to the bottom of why you want to have a child first before having one.

Question 2: Can You Afford a Child?

You need to not only ask yourself if you can afford a child but can you afford to raise a child solely on just your income? According to CBS News, to raise a child up to the age of 17 years old can cost a family $233,610 or $14,000 annually! That’s a lot of money! Now, that’s not necessarily anything to discourage you from having children but it’s definitely something for you to think about because financially, you want you and your child to be in the best possible situation. If you’re already struggling to make ends meet, a baby won’t do anything but dig you in the hole deeper. 

Question 3: Are You Healthy Enough to Have a Child?

Conceiving a child is just like growing a plant. In order to grow a healthy plant, it needs to have good soil, water, and sunlight, meaning that in order for the plant to grow and be healthy, its environment needs to be healthy. That same theory applies to conception. If you know you want to have a baby, you need to make sure your body is in good health to withstand the changes your body will experience.

Are You Ready?

If you can confidently answer those questions and still want to have children, then a congratulation is in order! There are so many options for women to have children these days with or without a partner, however, if you don’t have a partner, IVF treatments have high conception success rates.

Be sure to do your research on the process and speak to a fertility specialist to get in-depth information to see if this is the option that will work best for you.


Vicky Charles

Vicky is a single mother, writer and card reader.

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