I'm Cutting the Crap from my Life...


A friend of mine once told me a story about a woman he had dated. He saw her a couple of times, after which he decided he didn’t want to date her any longer. And he also didn’t really feel the need to be friends with her either. She didn’t get the hint though, and continued to call and text him for months afterwards. He tried letting her down gently and telling her there was no way they would be a couple, but she didn’t even take the kind of hint where things were spelled out for her.

Eventually, after months of the cold shoulder, this lady asked my friend outright: why don’t you return my calls or texts, why don’t you engage in conversations with me, and so on. His response was cutting, but to me somewhat inspiring: I’m cutting some of the crap from my life lately, and you don’t add anything.

That line has come into my head a few times lately. Not because I’m necessarily removing people from my life, but more because there’s a certain amount of self-selection going on. It occurs to me that when you’re going through a stressful time, the people worth having in your life will stick around, and what happens to everyone else… is of little concern.

For the last two months, I have been all over the place. I have failed to return phone calls and texts, forgotten meetings, narrowly missed deadlines. Good friends have texted me, and it’s sometimes taken me days to respond. I’ve barely seen any friends since I moved, and those I have seen, have not been treated to my best, most conversational self.

During this time, I feel I have grown closer to some people who have been the very definition of understanding, who have responded to my late texts with “don’t worry, it’s fine; how are you.” People who have given me lifts places, offered me work, chatted about random nonsense with me when I needed them to.

Meanwhile, others seem to have fallen by the wayside – and that’s fine. I wouldn’t say I’m being as harsh as my friend, cutting the crap from his life – but those who add nothing of worth to my life seem to have been seamlessly replaced by those who are warm, caring and endlessly understanding.

I had an angel consultation the other day, where I was told “stop struggling, and start allowing.” At the time I just sort of nodded along – but actually, it makes sense in this context. Without me pushing anything, I’ve allowed positive, supportive people into my life, and allowed less supportive people… to leave.

Vicky Charles

Vicky is a single mother, writer and card reader.


Sid Trench · 29/11/2014 at 20:26

great read.

Cardiff Mummy Says · 30/11/2014 at 06:44

I totally relate to this! I have been having a bit of a friend detox as well. It sounds mean but I have precious little time as it is, and there are people who don’t make me feel good about myself, or only turn up when they want something from me, or wouldn’t help me out in the same way as I help them, so I am being quite ruthless about it. The funny thing is, some of them are so wrapped up in their own lives, I don’t think they would even notice!

Joy · 30/11/2014 at 11:54

great post! I can so relate, especially when it comes to “failed returned phone calls and texts” and I have some wonderful friends who don’t understand and some who really do and still love me anyways :)

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.