10 Reasons to be Happily Single this Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is coming, and everywhere you look there are hearts and cards and smushy mushy stuff. Throughout my adult life, I’ve been single on Valentine’s Day more often than not, and previously this time of year was spent feeling mostly shitty about being alone on The Most Romantic Day Of The Year. No date, nobody to send me a card, nothing. In fact, I seem to recall more than one Valentine’s Day when I actually had a boyfriend, and still didn’t have a date or a card. This year though, things are different. This year, I have accepted that I am single, and happy that way. Here are my 10 reasons to be happily single this Valentine’s Day.
1. My Bed is Mine!
Ok, I know S sleeps in my bed – and she is more than welcome there. But I really quite like the fact that it’s just the two of us. I’ve never been able to sleep if I was sharing a bed with a man. I like being able to stretch myself across the bed, to be surrounded by a million pillows and cocooned in two or three duvets, without someone complaining that they’re too hot or the pillows are in the way or can I just turn the light off and stop reading now. My bed belongs to S and I and nobody else is welcome in it!
2. My Toilet is Also Mine!
I can’t be doing with having to put the loo seat down behind someone. I like to find my toilet as I left it. Without pee on the seat or the floor around it, and with the seat firmly down.
3. I’m Very Lazy.
I’ve been single for over two years. It’s winter, and I don’t mind telling you that my legs look like they belong at Monkey World. If the general public is not likely to be seeing it, I ain’t shaving it. Not having a man in my life means I don’t have to care about things like wearing my “good” underwear or whether any of the layers under the hoodie I wear out of the house are reasonable garments. I have a fantastically comfortable pair of purple tracksuit bottoms which I love to wear in the evenings. They are old and stained and have a hole in them… but they’re really comfy and cosy, and nobody is ever going to see them.
4. Dinner For One.
S’s weird meal demands aside, I don’t have to care what someone else would like to eat. I don’t have to worry about how much garlic I put into meals, or whether cabbage gives me wind, or whether oniony food will make me belch all night long. And I don’t have to share the nice food with anyone but my pickle, who mostly has a different opinion as to what’s nice any way. I can cook whatever I fancy for dinner, without having to consider anyone else’s preference. I can eat dinner at a time that suits me, and I can slurp it and spill it down my front (if it’s spaghetti or something; I’m not completely inept) without worrying about looking unattractive or just plain stupid.
5. Crappy TV
I once went out with a bloke who hated to watch Casualty. Casualty is something of a tradition in my family; we’ve always watched it, and my sister and I would often text each other as we watched in different places, betting on what would happen next. But it airs on a Saturday night, and he didn’t like it. So we didn’t watch it. Every Saturday evening I would sit there watching some awful movie or something, wondering what was happening in Casualty. Now I watch what I want, when I want. Well, when S is in bed, any way.
I can invite whomever I want, whenever I want, to come and visit us. I don’t have to worry about whether someone else likes that particular person, whether they would rather spend the evening watching TV, whether they don’t like me associating with them (trust me, this is a big deal for me after previous experience). I can also kick visitors out when I want to, without having someone else complain they were enjoying the conversation, and blah blah. My living room is my own, to entertain guests when I want, and to have to myself when I want too.
If I want to visit a friend, I can visit them. I can meet a friend for a drink without worrying about whether someone else is expecting me back (except the baby sitter, obviously). I can decide to get a coffee or something to eat with a friend, without worrying whether someone at home had been planning a meal.
8. This Blog
I spend a lot of time on this blog (I know, and I make it look so effortless!) When I’m not writing blog posts, I’m tweeting other bloggers or commenting on their posts. Or scratching my bum. Either way, if I had a man here to entertain, I wouldn’t be able to spend my evenings half-watching crappy telly as I work on the blog. I certainly wouldn’t be able to comment on posts, host linkys, or do the amount of general Twitter dicking about I do on a daily basis. I would have to pay attention to him instead. And then all of you would suffer my absence!
9. I’m Very Selfish.
Turns out, there’s no space in my life for a man. I don’t have time, but more importantly I have neither the energy nor the inclination to worry about someone else’s feelings, to take someone else’s plans or preferences into account when I think about what I want to do with my time. If there’s only enough milk in the fridge for one coffee, I get the coffee. I don’t have to pretend to be all selfless and caring and offer it to someone else. I can eat all the biscuits (that S hasn’t already scoffed), I can stretch out on the sofa, I can decide on a whim to rearrange all the furniture in the flat. I answer to no one, which is handy because I’m crap at that sort of thing any way.
10. Previous Experience.
When my friends leave their children with their husband/partner while they go to work or the shops or to visit someone, my first thought is often either “aren’t you afraid he’ll run away with them while you’re out?!” or “aren’t you worried what he’ll do to them while you’re not there to keep an eye out?” It’s a gut reaction, and then I remember that my experience of that sort of situation is not the way things normally are. I can’t imagine ever trusting anyone to care for S as a parent should, when I could never trust her own father to do so. The problem with having been in such an intense, all-encompassing and ultimately poisonous, abusive relationship is that it wipes everything that has gone before. You lose all concept of what is normal.
Just FYI: I’m writing this in my grubby purple tracksuit bottoms, stretched out on the couch, eating leftover sausages for my tea. My legs are hairy, my face is spotty, and there’s nobody here to know. S doesn’t care; I’m her mummy and she loves me, hairy legs or not. And these days, that’s way more important. So you can shove your Valentine’s Day and your hearts and flowers. I may never shave my legs again!
I like your style Vicky. :) I will think of you as I stretch over my double bed with my hairy legs and no need to answer to anyone. Happy SIngle Valentine's Day. We love ourselves first! Midlife Singlemum recently posted...Sleeping At Heathrow, Her Handbag, & His PR Stunt
I love this post! I have a similar one coming out in the morning. I couldn't agree more with all your points. I hate the hype about it too such an anticlimax. I'd more than happily show affection all year round than to feel forced one day out of the year. But in the meantime I'm happy being single for all of your reasons. P.s personally don't see a problem with what you're wearing now or that you haven't shaved your legs martyn recently posted...Childism. An excuse for wild Children?
A bed to yourself, the toilet being how you left it and no shaving your legs!! The single life seems so appealing....hehehe x Kim Carberry recently posted...Hearts and Love.....
Oh Vicky I'm with you sister! I have lived 8 pretty awesome years on my own with my boy. For five of those my ace sister lived with us. We would get in our PJs after tea (sometimes before to be honest) veg out, watch 'The Great British Bake-Off' or 'New Girl' and it was bloody awesome!!!! Now I am days away from moving in with my boyfriend who doesn't like mess and doesn't really do lounge wear either. What am I gonna do?!! I will have to share my bed (which he puts wet towels on) and my life with someone else again. Crapping myself is an understatement! Love your post and your blog very much :) Love Tor xx teacuptoria recently posted...Warts and All – My Liebster Award
Caro | The Twinkles Momma
Great post Vicky! Although sometimes I think it's really not the most romantic day of the year... having just seen a bunch of men buying crap flowers and nasty cards for their wives/girlfriends, I was left feeling that Valentine's day is really quite 'unromantic'!! I think the best romantic gestures are the ones that are spontaneous — not forced. PS — I LOVED your 'number 5' — I had EXACTLY the same thing happen with an ex-boyfriend!! We ALWAYS watched Casualty as a family... that was a deal breaker when he said he didn't like it!! LOL! #WeekendBlogHop
I'm totally with you on this! Being with my children and our dog, being free to do anything we want in our own home without being afraid makes this Valentine's my best one yet. Anyway, I've decided to have an extra Pancake Day instead. It's working out well ;-) P.S. I also have hairy legs and am sat in my comfy clothes. Bliss! Bek Dillydrops recently posted...Valentines Crafts with Bostik
I am with you on all points especially no. 9. Spent too long just pleasing me and can't be bothered pleading someone else. I was seeing a lovely man for a few months a while back. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him he was lovely. 15 years ago I would have said he was perfect but as lovely as he was I just hated making time for him. The motivation just wasn't there. I'd been hoping to find someone as I thoughtvthats what my life needed but when I did, it's not want to wanted to change my habits for. Broke my heart finishing it but the motivation to change my routine just wasn't there. Candace recently posted...My Sunday Photo (8 February 2015)
Definitely agree with all of these! Jen recently posted...What I love about my job?
Wow Vicki, you've really sold the single life to me! ;-) I've been with my husband for the majority of my adult life and just couldn't imagine being single anymore and actually, I wonder, if that's healthy?! I suspect not! Great post. x rachelreallife recently posted...Romance and Valentines
Hannah Mums' Days
You make it sounds so enticing!! Your own bed and whatever you want on the TV :) Love it! Thanks for linking up to #TheList lovely xxx Hannah Mums' Days recently posted...Cartington Castle – 6th February 2015
I love this. It's so true and I agree with every point. The coffee one really hit home. Enough milk for one coffee? Oh my god. I cannot live without coffee m. I don't think Ivan ever dare face a relationship again in case I ever face that situation!! I am so happily single it's untrue. Every now and then I have rose tinted glasses and think that it would be nice to share things and have someone that cares for me in that way, but not enough to try and meet someone!