When a relationship ends it is rarely easy. It can be really difficult to get through.

Here are some tips for getting over a breakup:

Feel your feelings

It can be really tempting to numb your feelings by getting drunk or distracting yourself. The clich√© of sitting on the sofa eating ice cream is not feeling your feelings; it’s numbing them out with huge quantities of food. That’s not a great way to deal with it, becuase ultimately you’ll just end up feeling sick and sad, and then probably also beat yourself up for eating too much. The only way to get through any bad feeling is to sit with it, and allow yourself to feel it properly. Without distraction or numbing.

… But don’t wallow!

There is a fine line between allowing yourself to feel your feelings, and wallowing in self pity. Whilst it’s a good idea to allow your feelings to flow, sitting about feeling sorry for yourself will do you no favours. Allow yourself time to process what has happened, but try to avoid ruminating on the tiny details of what you did and didn’t do.

Steer clear of rebound relationships

It can be tempting to find a new partner to help you get over the last one, but a rebound relationship is something we often use to distract ourselves from how we feel. Using someone else to help you to feel better might sound ideal but really nobody wants to be the person being used, do they? By beginning a new relationship before you are really over the last one spells disaster for all concerned.

Take up a hobby

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while that person can leave a hole in your life when they leave. It can feel like you have too much time on your hands, and not knowing what to do can contribute to feeling bad. A hobby can be a good way of filling your time without numbing your feelings or rushing into a new relationship in order to fill the gap. Find something that interests you, and try it out for yourself.

Don’t text your ex!

It can be so tempting to contact your recent ex, either to beg them to take you back or to tell them all the things they’ve ever done wrong. Neither is a great idea. In the moment, when emotions are running high and you think your ex needs to be shown the error of their ways it can be so tempting – but in a couple of weeks or months you’re likely to look back and cringe. Delete their phone number if you have to; block them on social media, at least until you’ve recovered.

Give yourself time

I read somewhere that however long your relationship was, it takes half as long as that to get over it. Whether that’s true or not – and we are all different – it is important to give yourself time to recover, to process what’s gone on and to really move on. Don’t be impatient with yourself if you’re still feeling sad about it weeks or even months later. This person was important to you, and it is perfectly normal to feel sad about the end of the relationship. Allow yourself to heal without pressure.

Express your feelings

It can be really helpful to express how you feel – either by talking to friends or even just writing everything down. Having to formulate your thoughts into sentences can help you to order them, and to see things more clearly. You may find that as you talk or write about how you feel, the way you feel begins to shift in a more positive direction.


Vicky Charles

Vicky is a single mother, writer and card reader.

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