When you get involved in a relationship with someone and have children, more times than not you’re expecting it to last a lifetime. Though relationships end for different reasons (and some for the better), it doesn’t stop the separation from being difficult. Not only do you have to pull yourself together and adapt to a new normal, but you also have to find the strength to pull through for your children. If you’ve recently broken up with your spouse or significant other, hopefully, this advice will help you find your way.

Suffer the Loss
Whether you broke up with a guy because they were abusive, cheating, or you simply grew apart, it is still a loss. Allow yourself permission to feel bad about the loss of your relationship. Believe it or not, it can take weeks, months, and even years to truly get over the pain you’re experiencing. However, if you continue to go through life pushing it under the rug it will come back to haunt you.

Don’t Turn to Vices
Getting over something this emotionally draining can be devastating. What you once knew as your every day is no longer the same and this reality can take time to come to. As you’re going through the grieving process it is imperative that you don’t turn to vices like sex, drugs, or alcohol. It may seem like the best option to soothe your pain and drown your sorrows, but in the end, this will only hurt you and your children more. If you’ve gone down this route, it is recommended that you find help. They can help you learn to cope with the devastation of your breakup without turning to booze, drugs, or meaningless sex.

Maintaining Contact At A Safe Distance
Getting over something this emotionally draining can be devastating. What you once knew as your every day is no longer the same and this reality can take time to deal with while moms also need to figure out what future role the other parent will have in the child’s future be it a lot or none whatsoever. During the drug epidemic running rampant through the United States, more and more families are splitting up due to substance abuse. Men’s facilities like Windward Way can provide structured healing for fathers who have fallen under the curse of drugs and alcohol. Moms escaping toxic relationships and marriages might take enrollment at a structured facility as a step towards building trust and allowing a father further into a child’s’ life, even if the romantic relationship has been ended permanently.

Find a Source of Strength
Although you do need to allow yourself time to heal from the breakup, you can’t simply stop living life. You have to find the strength to get up and fight another day. Sometimes when you can’t do it for yourself, you can find the strength you need in the love of your children, from the support of your family, or through some other means like religion, friends, meditation, prayer, or journaling. Just find some way to push past the hurt.

Don’t Neglect Personal Needs
As hard as it may be to get out of the bed and carry on some days, you can’t neglect yourself. You have personal needs and now more than ever, those things need to be met. Get up and shower daily, do your hair, put something on, get out of the house, and eventually carry on with your regular routine. Also, don’t forget about the importance of exercising, eating well, and getting a good night’s rest. It helps to combat mental illnesses like anxiety or depression and helps to support good physical and mental health.

Ask for Help
Raising your kids on your own is difficult. That’s why they say it takes a village. Especially as you go through these overwhelming, up and down emotions, it’s a good idea to have others who care about your children pitching in. Don’t be ashamed to ask or accept help when it’s offered. Whether your mom wants to make dinner for the next week or your younger sister is willing to help the kids with homework, be thankful and take it as a weight lifted from your shoulders.

Put in Extra Time with The Kids
Your children need you more than anything right now. So, when you’re not tending to your own needs and emotions, make sure that you’re doing whatever you can to spend more time with them. They realize the strain this is causing, and even if you’ve managed to figure out how you’ll co-parent, the dynamics are different. Take the weekends to really connect. If you have multiple children, if you can, try to have some one on one time as well. This will give you a chance to find out what they’re feeling and help them through their issues.

There are a lot of strong and awesome single women out there who have mastered the art of taking care of herself and her children with or without help from their ex. You too can reach this point. The thing is to realize this is a traumatic experience not only for your children but for yourself as well. Take the time to heal, remember to keep yourself first, ask for help, and learn to adapt to your new normal one day at a time. Trust that it gets better than this.

Vicky Charles

Vicky is a single mother, writer and card reader.


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