Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and everywhere you look there are hearts and cards and smushy mushy stuff. Throughout my adult life I’ve been single on Valentine’s Day more often than not, and previously this time of year was spent feeling mostly rubbish about being alone on The Most Romantic Day of the Year. No date; nobody to send me a card; nothing. In fact, I seem to recall more than one Valentine’s Day when I actually had a boyfriend, and still didn’t have a date or a card. This year though, things are different. This year I have accepted that I am single – and I’m happy that way.

Here are my 10 reasons to be happily single this Valentine’s Day.

1. My bed is mine!

Ok, so my child often sleeps in my bed – and she is more than welcome there. But I really quite like the fact that it’s just the two of us. I’ve never been able to sleep if I was sharing a bed with a man. I like being able to stretch myself across the bed, to be surrounded by a million pillows and cocooned in two or three duvets, without someone complaining they’re too hot or the pillows are in the way or can I just switch the light off and stop reading now. My bed belongs to me (and my child) and nobody else is welcome here!

2. My toilet is also mine!

I can’t be doing with having to put the toilet seat down behind someone. I like to find my toilet as I left it; without pee on the seat or the floor around it, and with the seat firmly down.

3. I’m very lazy.

I’ve been single for a while now. It’s winter, and I don’t mind telling you that my legs look like they belong at Monkey World. If the general public is not likely to be seeing it, I ain’t shaving it. Not having a man in my life means I don’t have to care about things like wearing my “good” underwear or whether any of the layers beneath the hoodie I wear out of the house are reasonable garments. I have a fantastically comfortable pair of purple tracksuit bottoms which I love to wear in the evenings. They are old and stained and they have a hole in them… but they are really comfy and cosy, and nobody else is ever going to see them!

4. Dinner for one.

The odd meal demands of my child aside, I don’t have to care what someone else would like to eat. I don’t have to worry about how much garlic I put into meals, or whether cabbage gives me wind, or whether oniony food will make me belch all night long. And I don’t have to share the nice food with anyone but my little girl, who mostly has a different opinion as to what’s nice anyway. I can cook whatever I fancy for dinner, without having to consider anyone else’s preference. I can eat dinner at a time that suits me, and I can slurp it and spill it down my front (if it’s spaghetti or something; I’m not completely inept) without worrying about looking unattractive or just plain stupid.

5. Crappy TV

I once went out with a man who hated to watch Casualty. Casualty is something of a tradition in my charity; we’ve always watched it, and my sister and I would often text each other as we watched, betting on which ridiculously unlikely yet grizzly accident would happen next. But Casualty airs on a Saturday night, and this man didn’t like it, so we didn’t watch it. Every Saturday evening I would sit there watching some awful movie I really didn’t care for, wondering what was happening in Casualty. Now I watch what I want, when I want. Well, when my child is in bed, at least.

6. Visitors

I can invite whomever I want, whenever I want, to come and visit us. I don’t have to worry about whether someone else likes that particular person, whether they would rather spend the evening watching TV, whether they don’t like me associating with them (trust me, this is a big deal for me after previous experience). I can also kick visitors out when I want to, withouthaving someone else complain they were enjoying the conversation, and blah blah. My living room is my own to entertain guests when I want, and to have to myself whenever I want too.

7. Visiting

If I want to visit a friend, I can visit them. I can meet a friend for a drink without worrying about whether someone else is expecting me back (except a babysitter, obviously). I can decide to get a coffee or something to eat with a friend without worrying whether someone at home had been planning a meal.

8. This blog

I spend a lot of time on this blog (I know, and I make it look so effortless!). When I’m not writing blog posts, I’m tweeting or commenting on other people’s posts. Or scratching my bum. Either way, if I had a man here to entertain, I would not be able to spend my evenings half-watching crappy TV as I work on the blog. I certainly wouldn’t be able to comment on blog posts or do the amount of general “socialising” on social media I currently do on a daily basis. I would have to pay attention to said man instead. And then all of you would suffer my absence! The horror!

9. I’m very selfish.

Turns out, there’s no space in my life for a man. I don’t have time, and more importantly, I have neither the energy nor the inclination to worry about someone else’s feelings, to take someone else’s plans or preferences into account when I think about what I want to do with my time. If there’s only enough milk in the fridge for one coffee, I get the coffee. I don’t have to pretend to be all selfless and caring and offer it to someone else. I can eat all the biscuits (not already scoffed by the small person); I can stretch out on the sofa; I can decide on a whim to rearrange all of my furniture. I answer to nobody, which is handy because I’m crap at that sort of thing.

10. Previous experience

This is the biggie. When my friends leave their children with their husband or partner while they go to work or the shops or wherever, my first thought is often either Aren’t you afraid he’ll run away with them while you’re out or Aren’t you worried about what he’ll do to them while you’re not there to keep watch. It’s a gut reaction, and then I remember that my experience of that sort of situation is not the way things normally are. I can’t imagine ever trusting anyone to care for my child as a parent should, when I could never trust her own father to do so. The problem with having been in such an intense, all-encompassing and ultimately poisonous, abusive relationship is that it wipes out everything that has gone before. You lose all concept of what is normal

Just FYI: I‘m writing this in my grubby purple tracksuit bottoms, stretched out on the sofa, eating leftover sausages for my tea. My legs are hairy; my face is spotty, and there’s nobody here to know. My daughter doesn’t care; I’m her mummy and she loves me, hairy legs or not. And these days, that is way more important. Valentines Day and hearts and flowers mean little to me these days; I’m happy as I am. And I may never shave my legs again!


Vicky is a mother, a blogger, a podcaster and a social media trainer. She writes about life as a single mother, parenting and lifestyle type things.


Suz · 13/02/2015 at 09:23

so agree with this!!!! Been single for nearly three years and need a companion on my terms and nothing more. My blog has become my evening filler and I have untended areas

    Vicky Charles · 13/02/2015 at 19:04

    lol “untended areas” love it!

Midlife Singlemum · 13/02/2015 at 14:52

I like your style Vicky. :) I will think of you as I stretch over my double bed with my hairy legs and no need to answer to anyone. Happy SIngle Valentine’s Day. We love ourselves first!

    Vicky Charles · 13/02/2015 at 19:09

    Fantastic comment! Thank you! Happy Single Valentine’s to you too!

martyn · 13/02/2015 at 18:38

I love this post! I have a similar one coming out in the morning. I couldn’t agree more with all your points. I hate the hype about it too such an anticlimax. I’d more than happily show affection all year round than to feel forced one day out of the year. But in the meantime I’m happy being single for all of your reasons.

P.s personally don’t see a problem with what you’re wearing now or that you haven’t shaved your legs

    Vicky Charles · 13/02/2015 at 18:57

    haha thanks Martyn, I look forward to seeing your post in the morning!

Kim Carberry · 13/02/2015 at 20:49

A bed to yourself, the toilet being how you left it and no shaving your legs!! The single life seems so appealing….hehehe x

    Vicky Charles · 13/02/2015 at 21:42

    haha never underestimate the leg shaving. That is extra time I can spend streeeetttttcccchhhhiiinnnnnnggggg out in my bed!

Emily Shepperson · 13/02/2015 at 21:51

I love this post! Bet there are many single parents out there going “yep,yep, yep” as they read your points. *looks down at legs* yep ;)

    Vicky Charles · 14/02/2015 at 11:03

    ha I was actually a bit nervous of mentioning the legs, then I thought, well what do I care? To whom am I hoping to seem attractive?

nikki · 13/02/2015 at 21:53

Ha! This is all far too true for me right now. I was starting to think I was the strange on, thank you! And casualty is amazing! How could anyone not love it?!

    Vicky Charles · 14/02/2015 at 11:02

    I will never again allow someone to stop me from watching Casualty!
    When I had proper telly my sister and I would both watch and text each other what we thought would happen next.

teacuptoria · 13/02/2015 at 22:08

Oh Vicky I’m with you sister! I have lived 8 pretty awesome years on my own with my boy. For five of those my ace sister lived with us. We would get in our PJs after tea (sometimes before to be honest) veg out, watch ‘The Great British Bake-Off’ or ‘New Girl’ and it was bloody awesome!!!! Now I am days away from moving in with my boyfriend who doesn’t like mess and doesn’t really do lounge wear either. What am I gonna do?!! I will have to share my bed (which he puts wet towels on) and my life with someone else again. Crapping myself is an understatement! Love your post and your blog very much :) Love Tor xx

    Vicky Charles · 14/02/2015 at 10:59

    doesn’t do lounge wear? Where did you find him?!
    Thanks for your lovely comment.

Caro | The Twinkles Momma · 14/02/2015 at 12:02

Great post Vicky! Although sometimes I think it’s really not the most romantic day of the year… having just seen a bunch of men buying crap flowers and nasty cards for their wives/girlfriends, I was left feeling that Valentine’s day is really quite ‘unromantic’!!

I think the best romantic gestures are the ones that are spontaneous — not forced.

PS — I LOVED your ‘number 5’ — I had EXACTLY the same thing happen with an ex-boyfriend!! We ALWAYS watched Casualty as a family… that was a deal breaker when he said he didn’t like it!! LOL!


    Vicky Charles · 14/02/2015 at 12:20

    Ha never again will I date someone who doesn’t like Casualty!

Bek Dillydrops · 14/02/2015 at 12:33

I’m totally with you on this! Being with my children and our dog, being free to do anything we want in our own home without being afraid makes this Valentine’s my best one yet. Anyway, I’ve decided to have an extra Pancake Day instead. It’s working out well ;-) P.S. I also have hairy legs and am sat in my comfy clothes. Bliss!

Candace · 14/02/2015 at 14:49

I am with you on all points especially no. 9. Spent too long just pleasing me and can’t be bothered pleading someone else. I was seeing a lovely man for a few months a while back. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him he was lovely. 15 years ago I would have said he was perfect but as lovely as he was I just hated making time for him. The motivation just wasn’t there. I’d been hoping to find someone as I thoughtvthats what my life needed but when I did, it’s not want to wanted to change my habits for. Broke my heart finishing it but the motivation to change my routine just wasn’t there.

Jen · 14/02/2015 at 23:01

Definitely agree with all of these!

rachelreallife · 16/02/2015 at 10:50

Wow Vicki, you’ve really sold the single life to me! ;-) I’ve been with my husband for the majority of my adult life and just couldn’t imagine being single anymore and actually, I wonder, if that’s healthy?! I suspect not! Great post. x

Hannah Mums' Days · 19/02/2015 at 12:43

You make it sounds so enticing!! Your own bed and whatever you want on the TV :) Love it! Thanks for linking up to #TheList lovely xxx

Henrietta Ross · 13/02/2016 at 20:17

I am in a relationship but Valentines Day is stupid. People allowing society to dictate when they express love and capitalism to dictate how. Nuts.

    Vicky Charles · 14/02/2016 at 16:55

    ha there is that too. I always found myself disappointed when not single on Valentine’s Day any way.

Dee · 13/02/2016 at 22:50

I have been single for 3 years and soooo agree, it almost sounds like me talking lol, I have no motivation to make any effort in dating as very selfish (apart from when it comes to my children), at present I love it……just being me and not having to make that effort to please anyone else xxx

    Vicky Charles · 14/02/2016 at 16:54

    Thanks Dee, sounds like we’re quite similar. All my non-selfishness is taken up with my child; I’ve none left for anyone else!

      Dee · 15/02/2016 at 01:58

      No nor myself……my children, my friends and family… present that’s all that’s needed for a great support network xxx

Hannah Atkinson · 14/02/2016 at 07:51

I love this. It’s so true and I agree with every point. The coffee one really hit home. Enough milk for one coffee? Oh my god. I cannot live without coffee m. I don’t think Ivan ever dare face a relationship again in case I ever face that situation!!
I am so happily single it’s untrue. Every now and then I have rose tinted glasses and think that it would be nice to share things and have someone that cares for me in that way, but not enough to try and meet someone!

    Vicky Charles · 14/02/2016 at 16:52

    Agreed Hannah – I think it’s rose tinted glasses for me too when I think I’d like to meet someone. The logistics can never work out while I’m a single parent with a 3 year old in my bed!

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