I found for a couple of days after that post, my brain was doing that classic and another thing… thing it is wont to do… so here are some more points I’d like to raise:
  • I dislike people who resent me for living in a council flat while they are still on a waiting list, or can’t even get onto a list. As if this is my preferred location, as if I wouldn’t much rather be able to afford to rent privately or even buy, somewhere with a garden, a bit of space. And not a stair well full of piss and neighbours from whom S is sure to learn a questionable vocabulary even if all windows are kept shut.
  • People seem to hate the fact I’m entitled to benefits, as if the £71 Income Support or £60 Child Tax Credit was the reason I had a child. You may not get financial help from the state for your child, but you have a husband/partner who, even if he is the most shit other-half in the world, can still be left in the house with the child while you run out for milk, or can still hold the baby or make sure he doesn’t fall off something while you nip to the toilet. At the very least, he can answer the door to the postman while you’re elbow-deep in poonami.
  • I can’t stand it when people think it’s ok to question where something I own came from – or even to imply I have stolen it, as in the comments to this post. It is as if my entitlement to benefits somehow removes my right to spend my money as I see fit, or the right to privacy of my financial affairs. The media looks at people who claim benefits, and seems to expect that all claimants should be clothed in rags and living off rice. The fact is that many of us have had reasonably well-paid jobs at one time or another, and in a previous existence were able to afford such niceties as a TV or dvd player.
  • It’s reasonably well reported that actually, the largest burden on the benefits system is people drawing the old age pension; but nobody comments that an OAP has bought their bingo card “with my taxes!” Do please explain to me how a pensioner is more entitled to assistance than I am. Yes, they may have paid into “the system” for a number of years, but so have I – and I will continue to do so, once my childcare costs do not outweigh my income.
  • One of the worst things is when people stand in front of me and complain about feckless benefits scum who defraud the system and get help from “my taxes”… and then look at me and say, “oh, but not you!” As if, because of the circumstances surrounding my becoming a single mother, or perhaps because I work in an office and not an off license, or because I don’t smoke, or because of something else I’ve not considered, I’m a “deserving” single mother. It’s ok for the state to help and support me because… I try hard? Because I blog about it? Because I have a reasonable enough grasp of the English language as to be occasionally eloquent in my arguments? Because I use cloth nappies? Why am I deserving of help, and not a blight on society, but many of my contemporaries are scum? At least people who hate all single mothers have the decency to not discriminate between us based on some random, arbitrary standard they are secretly – perhaps unconsciously – holding us all to.


Vicky is a mother, a blogger, a podcaster and a social media trainer. She writes about life as a single mother, parenting and lifestyle type things.


Mummy Barrow · 04/10/2013 at 07:37

You are so right. Something like 70% of benefit payments are made to people IN work. <br /><br />So why are we picking on people for doing the hardest thing in the world: raising a child single handedly?!

The Mad House of Cats and Babies · 04/10/2013 at 08:49

I had forgotten that actually, the pension system and care for OAP&#39;s probably does cost the most, good point, I don&#39;t suppose anyone would dare say &quot;I am not paying my taxes for some miserable old granny to get her bus pass, have her heating bill subsidised, and pay her pension so she can eat every week&quot;, will they? It&#39;s ridiculous to lump all single mothers under the

Mummy Glitzer · 04/10/2013 at 10:18

As someone who needs benefits to live on because I am too sick to work and also cannot take care of my son alone on a full time basis I fully understand all of this. We have recently been awarded a council flat. I know we are lucky however in the nine months before being given the flat we were homeless and living in a hostel.<br /><br />Judgemental people driver me up the wall.

The40yearold · 04/10/2013 at 10:40

But surely the benefit system is designed specifically for people like you in mind! Why on earth would anyone complain about that? People never cease to amaze me. Hope you feel better after your rant.

Older Single Mum · 04/10/2013 at 20:36

Well said you – again – am going to email you about contributing to my Single Mums&#39; Stories xx

Anonymous · 04/10/2013 at 20:50

Ha! I win!!

Kerrie McGiveron · 04/10/2013 at 23:55

The person who commented on the other post behind the &#39;anonymous&#39; veil needs to get a life. I do work and pay tax, and I will happily pay tax all day long to help people who need this pot of money for whatever reason. Surely that is what it is there for? What if I lost my job tomorrow? I would hope that what was given to me would not be resented. I&#39;m with Mummy Glitzer – judgemental

Adventures of a Novice Mum · 16/01/2015 at 02:17

O yes, I know that feeling, when you remember all the other things you meant to write but forgot to. I find the points you raised to be food for thought; they show the extent of the ignorance of flippantly judging other people and raise important questions about how a lot of people consider benefits.

Thanks for sharing and all the best as you navigate your path.

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