Tomorrow, S will start going to nursery an extra day a week.
|S at nursery, eating custard.
I need the extra time to work on my studying, which I’ve just not managed to do properly since I went back to work. And I really need to start doing some proper housework.
It will be the first time I will have had regular time to myself, to do as I please, since… well, that depends on whether you count my pregnancy as having had my own free will really. But a long time.
I’m looking forward to going for a run.
But I also feel incredibly guilty.
As if I’m dumping her in nursery when I’m not even at work, because I’m just too lazy to look after my own child. A bad parent. The kind of person who doesn’t value time spent with their child. I already leave her there 3 days a week so that I can go to work; surely I would want to spend those precious 2 days in the middle of the week with her, catching up with what we’ve missed about each other?
Well, yes. I love our two days mid-week more than the days we have at the weekend. There are fewer people about, we can go to parks and the beach and swimming and the library and wherever else we want to go, without it being too crowded. If I could, I’d have someone take S for a day on the weekend so that I could catch up on my studying and general “me” time. But the nursery is not open on weekends, and there is nobody else I can rely on to have her on a regular basis.
Realistically, if I was going to leave her with anyone while I got on with my bits and bobs, nursery is the best place. I know she has fun there. She loves the staff, the other children, the toys. They do all sorts of things that we don’t do at home. The past two afternoons she’s spent splashing about in a paddling pool outside, wearing just her nappy, and I have neither an outside nor a paddling pool.
I know S will be safe and happy at nursery.
But I still feel awful for planning to leave my precious child with someone else for the day, when I’m not even going to work!
This post is updated here.
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