I had a minor meltdown this evening.

After a week of S waking up at 4am and not really settling;
A really hectic, unsettling weekend;
2 months of being back at work and my only time to myself being after bed time or 15 minutes on the way to and from work;
A really very hectic day at work

I really was very tired and fed up. The plan was for S to go to bed at 6 as usual. I would then eat some tea, watch some crappy telly, and go to bed shortly afterwards.

That didn’t work. She went to bed at 6, but she didn’t go to sleep. She sat in her cot periodically crying, then stopping just long enough for me to think perhaps she’d gone to sleep and I could have a break… And then starting to cry again.

I came up to try and settle her several times; nothing worked. She was not in a good mood. She wasn’t even properly crying, there were no tears. She was just cross at being left alone.

In the end I abandoned my evening and any thoughts I’d had of eating tea or chocolate, or of catching up with Big Brother or putting another load of washing on. I came upstairs, lay down on the bed with her, and fed her to sleep.

Scared she would wake up again if I moved too far away from her for too long, I read my Kindle for half an hour. Then I decided to fetch the laptop from downstairs and see if I could use the time to catch up on reading some blogs.

The problem is that when I started feeding her, it was really just to calm her down. I didn’t think she’d actually go to sleep. So of course she fell asleep star-fished in the middle of my bed, on top of my duvet. I managed to move her slightly though, and now I’m going to bed.

Yet again, a massive meltdown avoided by just giving up my rigid idea of what I had to do in order to relax. I should really learn to accept these situations before I start to hate everything shouldn’t I!

fast asleep toddler

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Vicky is a mother, a blogger, a podcaster and a social media trainer. She writes about life as a single mother, parenting and lifestyle type things.


Jacqui · 03/07/2013 at 07:23

i can totally relate to this..i do the 'i need a break' sigh on a daily basis! but i realised a couple weeks back while gettin all flustered and annoyed that its me who always gets annabelle to sleep and not her daddy, that i was so exhausted by her bedtime of 9pm needed to with her remembering any other time id stayed up til midnight i was incapable of normal bodily function! Then at

Anonymous · 05/07/2013 at 18:38

Dear Lord I cannot wait for my son to grow up and be of an independent age. Abe is 18 months and it has been nothing but misery since he was born. I am beyond exhausted, depressed, and I wish I could just be happy! We co-sleep and he usually takes up the while bed too.

Tori Wel · 09/07/2013 at 21:17

Sometimes best laid plans are better forgotten – never more true when you have a small child! Thank you so much for linking to PoCoLo and sorry for the delay in commenting xx

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