For those who don’t know, S was born 5 weeks early
, and we were in hospital for almost two weeks. When they finally let us out (I was begging for freedom by this point) it was under strict instructions not to let her go for more than three hours between feeds.
I was terrified of S having to go back to the hospital, because I knew if she did, I wouldn’t be staying there with her. I took the doctor’s words very seriously and set an alarm for every 3 hours, to ensure we never missed a feed.
On this particular day S’s father came over and we went into town. We walked around the shops a bit, bought a few bits, showed off our gorgeous baby to a couple of people. And then it was time to feed S again. I had never fed her in public, and was a bit too self conscious to try now; plus the midwife was due to visit soon, so we just came home. I was increasingly anxious that time was marching on, and S was due a feed. Because she was still jaundiced, she wouldn’t wake up and cry to let us know she was hungry so it was down to me to keep my eye on the clock. Now we were almost half an hour late, and I was worrying.
We got home, brought the pram into the living room, and I immediately picked S up, sat down on the sofa and began feeding her.
S’s father came in, took his coat off, tutted at the state of the living room, and went into my kitchen to get something to eat. Ten minutes later, while I was still sitting on the sofa feeding S, he came back into the living room with a large plate full of cheese on toast. Mmm, cheese on toast, my favourite. The cheese was melted just so; it was runny but not burnt, the toast looked perfect. I was starving and couldn’t wait to tuck in.
Without a word, he sat down opposite me and ate all four slices himself. Then he put the empty plate back in the kitchen, poured himself a drink, sat on the sofa and switched the TV on.
I finished feeding S, put her in her bouncy chair and went into the kitchen to find myself a drink and something to eat. There was no bread or cheese left.
At least when you’re on your own, nobody eats cheese on toast in front of you when you’re starving and pinned to the couch.
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