Reasons to be Cheerful 2016-01-21
How is your week going? What are you grateful for today?
I feel like I’ve been really lazy lately. S and I have not been sleeping well, and I’m stuck in that rut where I feel like I’m dragging myself through molasses every day; I know that if I managed to do some exercise/eat healthily/get some fresh air I would probably feel better – but I’m still at the “grouching on the sofa under a blanket” stage. Still, I’m determined to find some things for which I can be grateful…
A lovely day off – I’ve been trying to make more of an effort during my time with S so that we’re not just sitting at home not doing much. Yesterday was our day off, and my sister was looking after my niece and nephew at my mum’s so S rode her bike to Nana’s house and we had lunch together. It was lovely for her to spend some time with her cousins and it broke our day up nicely so that we had some fun time together when we got home.
Confidence training – For the larger part of my life, I have been impossibly shy – to the point that if I saw you in the street, even if you were my friend, I would pretend not to see you or duck into a shop, just to avoid having to risk speaking to you in public. Even if I wanted to see you. This time last year a friend gave me some confidence training, and I’ve been working generally on not being so shy (it’s irritating and not endearing in a grown adult). This week, I gave an early morning presentation to 40 local business owners. And I bloomin’ nailed it! When I finished I almost cried – not because I’d been worried about it, but because I realised that a couple of years ago that would not have been within the realm of possibility for me. And I did a damn good job! People were listening and taking down notes, and nodding along! Go me!
My beautiful girl – Since Christmas, we’ve not slept through the night twice in a row. In fact, I think we’re averaging about one full night’s sleep a week and the rest of the time S is awake for hours at a time, often crying or wriggling or eventually watching The Snowman. It’s frustrating and exhausting and when my alarm goes off in the mornings I want to pretend I don’t exist and just hide under the duvet. It’s really hard to parent a child kindly and gently at 3am when she’s been kicking you in the side for an hour, picking her nose and wiping it on your duvet, whinging every time you ask her to remove her hand from your bicep so that you can feel your fingers. I know S is as knackered as I am; I can tell by the amount of tears we have through the day. But she is much more chirpy than I am. And I feel like I need to take a leaf out of her book. Being a single parent is challenging at the moment, but I love her so much and I am still incredibly blessed to have her. Even when her feet are in my ear, I’m still the luckiest person alive – and I need to remind myself of that more often!