Why I Don’t Use the Naughty Step… or time out, or other punishments.
If we were forced to choose one over the other, then, sure, time-outs are preferable to spankings. For that matter, spanking kids is preferable to shooting them, but that’s not much of an argument for spanking.
The use of time out (where the child is removed from contact with the parent or carer) with children under three years is inappropriate. The use of time out with children over three years needs to be carefully considered in relation to the individual child’s experience and needs.
Beneath the surface, time-out is an authoritarian approach and, as such, can work only among children trained to comply with the power and authority of adults.
I agree with you, however I do use the naughty step. I don't put Harry on the naughty step for tantrums because like you say it's because he is unable to communicate his feelings to me and so is frustrated, I try to calm him. I do use the naughty step for biting, hitting, kicking etc because even if that is because he is frustrated, it's the wrong way to deal with it. I have used this
There does need to be a consequence for unacceptable behaviour like the comment above pinching, hitting, spitting as guess what happens in real life?<br />There's authority. ''you hit someone? Aw you were probably angry-wangry and didn't get your emotions out'' no there needs to be clear right from wrong. Of course this comes with an explanation. Even infants can see '
I do not agree with smacking, but there has to be something to let them know the difference between right and wrong. If they are having a tantrum, you could try to get down to their level and talk to them, if they do not respond, Leave them to get it out of their system. (hard to do, when they are screaming)<br />I used to find with my boys, take away something they love, for a period of time,
I don't think there is a one size fits all solution to this, I do apply the time out in instances of fighting between my two boys, but didn't before the age of 3 an a half (ish). I agree tantrums etc shouldn't be dealt with in that way. It's counterproductive as they are likely to make a mess, or try breaking their way out which doesn't remove the anger they've built up.
Tricia The Good Mama
I really like this post. I think it's important to teach children how to appropriately express their feelings. I mean adults get upset about things too. They just know how to deal with their emotions (hopefully). When I was a kindergarten teacher, we didn't have a time out chair you were forced to go if you were bad. Instead, we had a corner of the classroom you could go to if you need
I recently attended a workshop call "Emotional Coaching to Better Understand Your Child". It opened my eyes to SO much regarding my children. My youngest is just over 2.5 and hates time out (which I also use when she deliberately hurts her siblings). Emotional Coaching is where you vocalise what your child may be feeling for them. When she's having a tantrum because I won't give
Shelli Proffitt Howells
I don't think I'd use the term "naughty step" to describe the area where I give my kids time out. I think that time outs can be useful and aren't necessarily a form of punishment. Instead, as you mention, it gives both parent and child a time to calm down. Studies have shown that people do not use their rational, logical mind when emotions are heightened. I think it's a great lesson to teach your child that she can take a time out anytime she feels her emotions getting out of control, and then she can come back to resolve the problem. If you only use time out and never actually resolve the underlying issue, then yes, I can see how that would be a negative solution.
Loved this post and completely agree with it. My favourite line: "That’s not behaviour to be punished but rather behaviour to be understood." Perfectly put! xx Natasha recently posted...The Peppa Pig movie