- When I went back to work and S started nursery, I promised both of us that I would make an extra effort to ensure the days we spent together were filled with fun and special time… Fast forward a year, and I’m not doing so great at the special time. I need to make more effort to do fun stuff, to go fun places.
- S doesn’t have a daddy. There is no male influence in her life. While I would die before allowing her biological father within 100 feet of her, I feel bad for her that she doesn’t have someone to do dad things with. I try, but I can’t really be both parents.
- She doesn’t have brothers or sisters to play with; when we’re home, it’s just the two of us. And I’m not much fun to play with. I would love for her to have someone closer to her own age to play with, but it’s not likely to happen.
- Sometimes, when S is being… well, she’s just being two if I’m honest – and I am losing my temper for things I know she can’t help, I just stick her in the buggy and hope that a long walk will help both of us to chill out. I feel bad that she’s being shoved into a buggy and wheeled around town just because I can’t deal with being a good mother.
- I have been offensively tired for the last few days, and have done very little house work. I mean, even less than I usually get by on. Yesterday, I spent her nap… napping myself. This means that firstly, her living space is filled with unsorted washing and general junk that needs putting away, and secondly, I’m spending the time either side of her nap trying to catch up on boring crap rather than having fun with her.
- I feel endlessly guilty that we live here, on this estate, surrounded by drug dealers and people who have their arguments loudly, outside of our windows. More than once in the last couple of weeks, I have had to usher her out of the kitchen under the pretence of “let’s go and play in the living room, quickly, right now” because the words we can hear clearly through the kitchen window are not ones I ever want her to hear.
- Sometimes she doesn’t want what I’ve cooked for dinner, and I have the dilemma of “well, she won’t eat this, but I can’t send her to bed on an empty stomach… what will she eat?” – the answer to that question is never “some carrot sticks with hummus.” Not even close.
- This is possibly the most ridiculous one: when she wakes in the night crying, and she doesn’t want a cuddle, and nothing I whisper to her can make her calm down… I feel like I am failing as a parent. Because I’m the only one she has. And if I can’t calm her down and make her feel safe, then who can?
Amaia - You Made My Day
I think most of us feel guilty, whatever we do for our children, we always think we could do better, more, funnier and that other mothers are far better than us. Just love your daughter and give her your time. That is what kids really appreciate and need.<br />Good luck with your mummy journey, not easy when being 2 so I guess not easy for you either. But we love them soooo much that all the