Why I Will Never Leave S to Cry.
The other day I posted a status on Facebook that S had gone to bed but cried when I got my dinner, so I had a cold dinner again. It seemed to attract several comments (not on the status itself so much, but to me personally via texts, emails and in person) telling me I was doing the wrong thing by going to her when she cried. This is my response to those statements.
Babies cry in order to get their carer to help meet their needs. Babies, certainly those under a year of age, do not know how to manipulate, and cannot be spoilt. The can’t say, “so sorry, I’m feeling a bit crap, I’ve woken up suddenly and it’s dark and I’m alone and I don’t like it; could you just give me a quick hug and help me get back to sleep?” They cry instead; it’s their only way of letting us know they need us.
- Bell SM & Ainsworth MSD. Infant crying and maternal responsiveness. Child Development (1972); 43: 1171-1190.
- Ainsworth MDS. The development of infant-mother attachment. In BM Caldwell & HN Ricciutti (Eds.), Review of child development research (1973) (Volume 3, pp 1-94); Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
- Egeland B & Farber EA. Infant-mother attachment: Factors related to its development and changes over time.Child Development (1984); 55: 753-771.
- Isabella RA & Belsky J. Interactional synchrony and the origins of infant-mother attachment: A replication study. Child Development (1991); 62: 373-384.
- Isabella RA, Belsky J, & von Eye A. The origins of infant-mother attachment: An examination of interactional synchrony during the infant’s first year. Developmental Psychology (1989); 25: 12-21.
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I cant believe that people reacted like that to you so personally! How rude and good on you for doing it your way. I think each child is an individual however and so is each parent. I will always go to M if she wakes in the night for the exact same reasons you say- but she is capable of sleeping through and it can just be habit that they wake up so will leave her sometimes unless she is teething
Exactly. People tell me all the time that I will spoil her, she'll never sleep through if I keep going to her, blah blah. She started sleeping in her cot and through the night a month or so ago, without me having to force either issue.<br />as far as I'm concerned, it's a case of "do what you want with your own child, but don't you dare tell me what to do with mine!"
we have seven children, and have learnt we were quite right to stick to our guns in the face of 'oh they'll never *insert anything here* unless you *insert time consuming unpleasant method here*' - slinging and feeding on demand and cosleeping have resulted in a happy family that gets plenty of sleep most nights, so it has worked for us :D
Each to their own indeed. S went through a stage where she couldn't sleep for more than an hour or so at a time. I'd get her settled, come downstairs and make dinner, and she'd invariably wake up again. So many people told me to just leave her to cry, I got really pissed off with it!